Ciel has a secret
by DeiDei-Demonique
Summary: Ciel Phantomhive has a secret. Every once in while, when the pressure and stress begins to build up, he will escape to the isolation of his chambers and remain there for various periods of time. None of his servants, not even his ever faithful butler, have ever known what goes on in that room. And now you, my dear friends, will be the first to find out...
1. Chapter 1: Ciel has a secret

**Okay, so this isn't quite as good as the other stuff I've written but I thought it was a good idea so I guess you'll just have to make do. Remember to R&R and if you have the time and happen to enjoy supernatural and gore, please feel free to visit my currently [14/07/2012] on-going multi-chapter fic "Midnight Prowl". Anyhoo, ON WITH THE STORY!**

* * *

The gentle click of the door closing was un-naturally calming to the young earl of phantomhive. It meant he would have some time alone. Time where he could forget all his worries. Leave the stress and his title behind. Where no servants would be there to bother him and he could pretend that he was normal for just a few hours. Well... almost normal.

Striding gracefully and purposefully towards his wardrobe, he opens both doors with a large amount of dramatic emphasis. Falling softly to his knees, he pulled out a large yet inconspicuous box from beneath the piles of folded fabrics. It was lightweight and made of a thin card, a simple box that should attract the attention of no one. That was the particular reason why Ciel had bought this specific item.

There were obvious reasons why this purchase had to include some forms of 'lying'. For one, this object was not suitable for him, nor was it approvable by the public. Another was how it would not be acceptable for someone of his standard to be seen with such a thing. Unfortunately, the young Phantomhive could not help himself, and so, had passed it off as a gift. Whenever someone would ask of it, he would say how he had forgotten and had since disgarded of it. This was not the case, as we are now about to find out.

Placing the box carefully on the silken sheets of his bed, he hurried over to the door, listening carefully through the wood to ensure that no-one would be passing. To make sure he would not be caught. Returning to the edge of his bed, he reached out with a cautious hand and lifted the tan lid. A blush graced his cheeks as he pulled it from it's case.

* * *

The fabric slid softly over his smooth skin, fitting his frame like a glove, holding it's place like a second skin. No sound was made as the material rested on his thin hips, the trails tickling at his feminine ankles. The short sleeves gripped delicately onto his frail shoulders. Lithe fingers tangled in thick ribbon as the Earl braced himself. It was painful and difficult yet it had been chosen purely for it's ability to be tied by the wearer. Pulling as tightly as he could, Ciel could not help the muffled whimper that escaped his clenched teeth. After another few moments, the tightening was done and his experienced hands tied it swiftly into a neat bow. Dragging his hands down the front, he flattened out the cloth and let a small smile grace his lips.

Ripping open the bottom draw of his unit, he moved various papers until he found what he was looking for. A small case, cream in colour with a lock over the opening. Drawing the key from around his neck, he slid it into the lock and turned. A resounding click echoed through the large room and the lock fell to the floor. Tearing open the case, he pulled out the necessary items before slamming it shut as though he thought someone to be watching. His eyes scanned the room nervously before carefully eying the door. After concluding there was no-one there, he turned back to the products before lifting them and taking them with him to the bathroom.

Standing in front of the mirror, he opened all of the jars, tins and bottles, staring decisively at the palette set infront of him. Holding the pad in his hand, he dusted the light powder over his fair skin, spreading it out evenly. He pinched the small brush between both forefinger and thumb, he dipped it into a shimmery silver, sliding it over his eyelid with a practiced ease. A sky blue was then stroked across the outer corners, blending the two colours slightly. Closing one eye, he dragged the thin brush along the edges, a deep black line streaking after it. After repeating this with the other eye, he lifted the clear gel and dipped a perfectly manicured finger into it, spreading it across his plump lips.

The extentions were pulled slowly and gently from the box, so as not to tangle. They were then clipped evenly into his hair, just above the ears. A small black hat was placed carefully between the two groups of hair, deep blue flowers set into the surrounding area. He weaved the brush between the strands before walking back into the main room, picking up the black elbow gloves as he passed. Sliding them up his slender arms, he turned to face the full length mirror on the wall.

* * *

Staring back was a young girl, dressed in an elegant and flowing royal blue ballgown, the built-in corset giving the illusion of a slim hourglass figure. Flattering ribbons with miniature bows littered the dress and the soft fabrics beneath made it flutter as she twirled. The light blue hair fell down over pale shoulders in ringlets and dark flowers wove between the strands, leading up to the small black hat that adorned her head, lace drifting from the molded suede.

Cerulien eyes were traced with gentle tones and wide with a dark lining. One eye revealed the shining purple contract, as after all, no dignified _woman_ would wear something so hideous... so sombre. The eye patch had been flung carelessly over the sheets. Her lips shimmered softly in the candle light and her pale skin looked as smooth as porcelain. Admiring the form in the mirror, the pink lips split into a rarely seen grin and a slight laugh echoed in the emptiness.

Soon after, the young _mistress_ soon found herself giggling and twirling like a schoolgirl, eye's twinkling at the expensive fabric. Spinning faster, she let herself get lost in the moment. Forget the worry, forget the fear, forget the **hate.** Nothing beautiful should be filled with so much hate, and whilst in this form, that is exactly was Ciel was. A simple member of the human race, relishing in the delights of the world.

The smile fell from his face as he realised, he would have to go back soon. Back to the orphan, a lonely child trapped in a mansion as empty as his heart. The queen's guard dog, forced to bend to her beck and call for it was his duty. The boy, not even a teenager, who had sold his soul to a demon. Who had seen things no one his age should experience yet would forever be etched into his memory. Back to be Earl Ciel Phantomhive...

But until that moment came, he would let himself be free.

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**Sorry I managed to make a humor fic go depressing like that... I have that tendency. Anyway, I was thinking, 'maybe make this into a two-shot'. What do you guys think? Where Ciel's secret gets found out. And, if you're feeling all friendly, maybe you could suggest WHO finds it out... So... REVIEW!**


	2. Chapter 2: A secret no longer

**Urgh! I'm still alive. Barely hanging on since my teachers seen to want to kill me... But I've been feeling bad about my lack of updates and felt I should create a second [and maybe third] chapter to this since it was requested. Sorry if you readers feel like I've been ignoring you! Please enjoy.**

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Now, Finny wasn't a nosy person by nature. Sure, he was excitable, maybe a little extreme sometimes, definitely clumsy, but never nosy. However, he was curious. Curiosity wasn't a bad thing, certainly nothing like nosiness. Well, that was what he thought anyway. On that particular day, when his young master had stormed past him down the corridors to his bedroom, the slam echoing to his ears even at such a distance, well, he couldn't help but be curious. Of course, he was never going to directly disobey his young master, but if he so happened to be passing by...

Stood in front of the large double doors made Finny doubt his plans, the wood seemed taller and darker than normal, more intimidating. Without noticing, the gardener had begun to shake slightly, the subconscious fear of his younger instilled in his mind. The blonde was about to turn and leave, when a soft whimper caught his attention. With wide eyes, he crept closer to the doorway, trying to peak through the slight gap between the doors. All he saw was a brief glimpse of something blue and rippling before the sound of shuffling and light footsteps caught his attention. He barely noticed the loud click noise as he raced from the door and around the corner. He waited a few minutes, to make sure the young Earl wouldn't check the corridors, before sneaking cautiously back to his spot.

Shifting into a comfortable position, the gardener rested in front of the double doors, eye aligning with the slim gap between the wood. Trying to keep his breathing under control, he focused on searching for his young master in the large bedroom. Unfortunately, he could not spot him. Since the Earl wasn't currently in sight, the blonde took the chance to look around the younger male's bedroom, even though he knew he shouldn't. The first thing he noticed was the massive bed against the wall, between the window and the door. How could he not? The thing was huge! Then he noticed the box resting on top of the silken sheets. Large but flat, the lid resting beside it and tissue paper contents spilling out haphazardly. For a moment Finny wondered what could have been in that box, but then he remembered the dark blue fabric from earlier. It was most likely a new suit, possibly a gift from Miss Elizabeth.

Next he noticed something glinting on the floor, closer inspection revealing it to be a small golden padlock. Not real gold, although the gardener wouldn't put it past him. A small cream coloured case was residing, wide open, on the dresser above the lock. Small bottles and tubs were sticking out, and a palette of what Finny, at first, thought were paints. He was so engrossed in looking around the room that the sudden 'click' from the bathroom made him jump. The noise reminded him of when something small and solid was dropped onto tile. Turning his attention towards the en suite, he noticed the light shadows against the back wall, implying someone was moving about in that room.

As the shadows drew closer to the bathroom doorway, Finny tucked himself back behind the door, to avoid being spotted. Calming his breathing, he peeked back around the wood. Everything in the room was exactly the same... except for the small figure standing in front of the Earl's mirror. It was a young girl, maybe twelve years old, dressed in royal blue satin with silvery blue ringlettes trickling over her shoulders. He couldn't see her face, but the young gardener felt entranced. Far too distracted to put two and two together, realize that the Earl was not there and a young blunette was...

Hardly blinking, Finny watched the girl giggle and spin in front of the mirror, seeing the layered skirts flair beneath the breeze and the curled strands bouncing over her skin. Her eyes were closed lightly as she spun, and Finny imagined what colour rested beneath them. Blue, he concluded, a magnificent and heart-stopping blue. He barely realized his own smile had been growing, when she stopped spinning and slumped, facing the mirror and tracing her image with a gloved finger. The sadness poured off of her in waves, and Finny felt himself getting teary at the sudden melancholic aura of the room. He wanted to reach out to her, tell her everything would be okay. So desperate was he, that he forgot his current position. Leaning further against the door, he was unprepared as it swung open, slamming against the wall with an echoing 'crack' and sending the poor boy tumbling to the ground.

* * *

The sudden bang startled the Earl, causing him to jump and turn to face the intruder. The skirts flowed at his ankles as he spun, his carefully pinned extensions falling from their place, fortunately, to cover up the contract eye enough that the symbol would not be visible. He expected to see many things; another assassination attempt, a surprise visit from Lizzie, maybe even Pluto managing to get into the house again. What he did not expect however, was a blushing, blonde gardener lying face down in the carpet. Darting back towards his bed, the Earl picked up his eye-patch and tied it around his head before calming himself and marching towards the other male, his mask back in place.

* * *

Many thoughts and emotions crossed Finny's mind in that moment he decided to look up. Confusion, Embarrassment, Fear, Affection, Pain and most importantly, "I should not have looked up."

However, when the gardener felt piercing eyes glaring at the back of his head, and the carpet began to feel uncomfortable against his face, the boy looked up. Staring down at him was the girl from across the room, who in fact was _not_ a girl, but rather the young Earl Ciel Phantomhive. For a moment, he was stuck on deciding on whether his blush was from embarrassment or... something else.

"Um..." There were no words the blonde could say to fix this situation, and even if he could think of some, his mouth was paralyzed He couldn't help but let his eyes roll across the Earl's slim and fitted figure, the delicate material that rested over the smooth skin. It would appear as if the younger had noticed the roaming eyes, if the light blush breaking through his mask was anything to go by.

"You look nice." The words had escaped from the gardeners mouth before he thought. And he almost immediately regretted it. In a second, those three words had broken Ciel's cover and the shock was clearly visible. A range of emotions flew through his eyes before they started to water.

* * *

"You look nice."

If the Earl was expecting anything from the blonde on the floor, it would not have been that. But what did he mean by that anyway? Was he mocking him? or nervous? Was it the first thing he thought of or was he not really thinking? Maybe he really did think that he looked nice like that... or maybe it was a cruel joke...

Of course, that was it. The gardener was obviously disgusted by him but knew he couldn't say anything direct or he would be thrown out. Ciel could feel the hot tears falling down his cheeks and the choking sobs that burned his throat but he didn't care. The sudden fingers against his face startled him, and he opened his eyes into an equally emotional emerald pair.

"Please don't cry young master." Ciel hadn't even noticed the other had moved. "I'm sorry for intruding." His gentle fingers caressed the skin and wiping away the clear liquid. "I'll just go..."

* * *

Seeing his young master so vulnerable stirred something within him, and Finny felt the sudden need to hold the Earl to his chest and tell him everything would be okay. The tears that streaked down his face made his own eyes water and for the first time in a while, the gardener saw Ciel as the child he really was. The gasping caused pain in his chest and before he was aware of it, he had stood in front of the Earl and was staring into his closed eyelids. His hand reached up and softly stroked away the tears that fell.

"Please don't cry young master. I'm sorry for intruding." Damn his curiosity! If he had just left well alone like he was supposed to, he wouldn't be in this situation and his young master wouldn't be crying.

"I'll just go..."

Finny's hand dropped heavily to his side and he turned, head down, back towards the doorway he had fallen through. Before he could move away, he felt a soft yet confident grip on his sleeve. Looking back, he noticed Ciel had grabbed him with one of his gloved hands. He had never noticed how small they were...

"You are not to tell anyone of this."

It would've sounded exactly like the Earl's usual emotionless tone, were it not for the softness underlying the words and the subtle cracks between syllables. Finny went to nod, before a sudden idea stuck him. It was stupid, immature and could possibly get him fired, but he knew he would never get another chance like this.

"I won't tell anyone... if you let me join in."

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**WOO! Finished the second chapter. Review and I shall make a third! Bet you're all wondering what Finny would look like as a girl.**

**PS- There is currently a poll running on my profile page. If you could input your opinion, that would be fab.**


	3. Chapter 3: Finnian's turn

**Since this story seems to be becoming quite popular [which I never thought it would] I have decided it would be best to update it as soon as possible rather than starting new stories. I plan to have around five chapters in this story, this being chapter 3, unless I come up with any ideas to extend it.**

**But anyway; ON WITH THE CHAPTER!**

**[Because I forgot this last time]**

**_Disclaimer: DeiDei does not, has not and probably never will own Kuroshitsuji or its characters. I made up two of the gowns though..._  
**

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"I won't tell anyone... if you let me join in."

Of all the things Ciel expected the blonde to say, that was nowhere near anything the Earl had thought of. For a moment he was skeptical, but looking into the determined green eyes of his gardener, Ciel decided to take a risk. After all, this could become quite the enjoyable experience.

"Alright then. However, lets not make this a regular thing. Only this once." The younger attempted to sound serious, but it was quite difficult to take it that way with the beaming grin that had steadily appeared on his face. Soon, said grin was soon joined by it's mirror image, as Finny's mind decifered exactly what the Earl had said. The grins settled into small smiles and Ciel released the blonde's arm.

"Close the door then come over to the wardrobe. I presume that this will be your first time trying this, and I must warn you, it can be quite addictive." The Earl stepped back from the semi-dazed gardener and turned back towards the closet, listening as the door slowly clicked closed, showing the taller male's nerves. Of course, Ciel was quite nervous the first time he did it, but luckily he was able to cover it up with anger and determination. He could never have let his butler see him worried about it, or even how much he enjoyed it.

Crouching in front of the wardrobe, he allowed the skirts to flair out around him in a ring. The doors were still open from when he removed the blue gown so he only had to reach to the back. Still in the bottom of the closet were two boxes, around the same size as the first one he had taken out. In one, was the dress that started it all. The pink floral gown that had sparked his interest on that unfortunate night with the viscount. He shuddered slightly at the memory and shifted the cardboard to the side with a distastful look on his face.

Residing behind the pink dress, was anothing box gathering dust. Ciel had bought it once when he was inexperienced and had only wore it once as he soon realised the colours clashed with his hair... badly. However, this would be perfect for Finny. Blonde hair and green eyes. He shuffled backwards, dragging the cardboard out with him, and moved to place it beside the other box on the bed. The one that had housed the gown he currently wore. Placing it down carefully, he noticed Finny was still stood straight beside his bed, looking both curious and slightly apprehensive, his eyes glued to the box.

"You can come closer, you know. I won't bite, despite how it has appeared." The sudden relaxation was obvious in the gardener. How the breath he hadn't been holding blew out in one and how his shoulders slumped slightly causing his head to fall forward, and how when he looked back up, his cheeks were split by an enthusiastic grin. Cautiously, he shuffled closer to the smiling Earl, until he was stood next to him, looking excitedly at the box. With a brief glimse at his young master, he tentatively placed a hand on the lid of the box, and threw it open.

Finny gasped slightly as Ciel drew the soft material from it's cardboard chamber, holding it up for the gardener to see. It was a soft pale green, littered with shades of ivy and gold. The bodice was simple, curved it a way to give the illusion of a bust. Thin gold veins snaked up around the left side of the torso, like vines. Ivy coloured cap sleeves hung loosely beside the curved neckline and looked to be made of some sort of suede. The skirt was what shocked him the most. Silk or Linen, he wasn't sure. Different shades of green were layered up, bunched and held together with leaf shaped pins, matching the leaf belt that looped around the waist. He saw the golden sunflower pins sewn into the bottom, watching as the glinted under the light as the skirts swayed.

"Young master, I couldn't wear this. It looks far too expensive." The gardener was cut off by the Earl.

"You can and will wear this Finnian. It suits your colours perfectly, so I would never be able to wear it and it would just go to waste. Another thing..." the blonde looked slightly fearful whilst the other simply smiled at him "call me Ciel whilst we're in here."

To say Finny was shocked would most definitely be an understatement. In less that twenty minutes he had caught his young master cross-dressing, asked to join in, been allowed to join in, offered a dress that probably cost more than he gets in a year and now he'd been asked to refer to his master as 'Ciel'. This was twisting every bit of information he had ever learned about the Earl. Although, he was enjoying it. The Earl's voice broke him from his thoughts and made a light blush rise to his cheeks.

"Take off your clothes."

* * *

The material slid gently across his limbs, sending tingles through his skin and shivers down his spine as it was pulled into place. He felt the thick fabric of the bodice rest against his chest and the soft layer of the sleeves grace his shoulders, the skirts floating around his slim legs. He felt as the Earl's hands tugged carefully at the back of the torso.

"You may want to hold onto something. This can become quite painful."

Finny suddenly recalled the sounds that had attracted him to the Earl's chambers in the first place. A whimper, released by the one who was determined never to show pain, even to himself. This made him feel slightly scared. What could possibly be that painful? Looking around briefly, he noticed there was nothing in the room that would be able to support his strength. Fortunately, he didn't have to search long as a wooden chair was slid into his line of sight.

"I know what you are capable of, Finny, and I do not wish to have broken bed pillars or units. This is fairly strong but easily replacable."

Tentatively, the blonde placed his shaking hands on the wood of the chair, too shocked for words.

"Ready?"

Finny felt a light tug at the back of the bodice, and quickly realised what was going to happen. Although he had never worn a corset before, he had heard of them, and knew them to be quite difficult to wear but still popular amongst every woman in London. Realising the Earl was still awaiting an answer, he swiftly nodded and focussed on holding onto the chair. Holding his breath, he heard the strings being pulled with a force he did not know the Earl possessed. He felt as though he was being squeezed in a compresser, the creaking and squeeling of the bodice doing nothing to calm him. His muscles began to tense and flex as the corset grew tighter, and bead of sweat began to trickle down his forehead. He felt as the wood beneath his hands began to bend and groan.

"Almost done..."

The younger's words were of little comfort to him, as he stood unaware of how women could bare to go through this every day.

"Young Master... Ciel... Please..."

His voice was breathy and quiet, strained under the pressure.

"We're almost there Finny. Think of how beautiful you'll look."

The gardener felt a blush rise up to his cheeks. Beautiful? Did he really think he could look beautiful? He was so lost in his thoughts, he forgot about the corset until the final string was pulled, sending shockwaves of pain down his mangled body. Without thinking, his fists clenched and the top of the chair split with a resounding 'crack'.

"Um..."

"Uh yeah... it's all done..."

The Earl sounded slightly shocked at the display of strength, even though he knew what the gardener could do. Finny himself was blushing heavily, mainly from embarrassment, and was glancing cautiously between the chair, the Earl and the ground.

"I'm sorry about that, young master- I mean, Ciel" The poor boy looked so distressed, so paranoid and nervous, as if he felt the Earl was going to bite his head off.

"It's quite alright Finny. I presumed something like this would happen, and I can always get Sebastian to come and replace it later, no questions asked." Then he flashed the blonde a grin that made him feel all the worries seep out of him, and soon he was smiling again too.

"Now, follow me to the bathroom."

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**Thank you to everyone who has been reading this so far. You guys are too amazing for words!**

**Feel free to review!**


	4. Apologies and a list

**A MESSAGE TO ALL READERS!**

**I apologise for my recent lack in updates, as well as what is to follow.**

**As you can presume, there is good reason for this, and that reason is; School.**

**I am a sixth-form student [for those British viewers who know what that is] and have been piled up with work.**

**First off; I have had to revise for both my Psychology and my Mathematic Statistics exams. They were within a few days of each other, meaning- No time to write.**

**Secondly; I had to complete and hand in the [huge amount of] coursework for Unit one of my Art & Design course and my Media Studies course [first draft]. This also meant- No time to write.**

**Today, I have been given a marked draft of my Media back with two weeks to fix it, as well as recieving the guidelines for my Art exam. This most likely means that I will not be posting anything [except reviews] until somewhere between mid to end of Feb.**

**I apologise for any disappointment you may feel, but this is a moment where I must request your patience. You never know, I may be able to squeeze in a one-shot somewhere.**

**However, because you're all rawr-some, I have written up a list for you.**

**THE FOLLOWING STORIES WILL BE COMPLETED:**

_**Breaking up the host club [Ouran HSHC]**__ Personally, I really have no idea how many chapters this will have.. Possibly around ten._

_**Ciel has a secret [Kuroshitsuji] **__Expect one or two more chapters on this [two short or one long] but then it's done_

_**If only I had the time [Kuroshitsuji] **__The length of this is pending, it depends only on those who review it with more ideas_

_**Moonlight [Kuroshitsuji] **__There are two more chapters for this, one of which contains the 'graphic' section for those who are waiting [patiently I might add]_

_**Strength in Numbers [Kuroshitsuji] **__I have about fifteen chapters planned for this but I don't know how many it will end with :).._

**AFTER THAT, THE FOLLOWING ARE STORIES THAT I WILL BE POSTING BUT NEED YOUR OPINION ON [TELL ME IN A REVIEW/MESSAGE]**

_**Among Us [Hetalia] **__Ten nations have woken up in a small silver room, with no memory of how they got there. All they have is Canada's terrified voice playing over invisible speakers and the rules of a being they don't know. - _"There is a reason you are all here. But first, the Rules. Soon the lights will go out. Not for long, only for one of you to be murdered. Now here's the catch. One of you will have done it, and you won't even know. When the lights come on, you will have until the victim 'wakes up' to guess who did it. If not, then something.. Unfortunate may happen"

_**How Sleipnir came to be [Thor] **__We've all heard of Loki's horse-child Sleipnir, but have we ever found how Loki ended up in such a situation. This is one theory, back in the time when Thor and Loki were still brothers, and it all was just a prank gone wrong._

_**It was always you [Criminal Minds] **__Not many people knew Spencer had a sister, not even Reid himself. However, when it becomes obvious that the recent string of murders are to draw him out into the open, will she finally get the revenge she's waited almost 20 years for?_

_**Mirrors [Hetalia] **__ Alfred [America] doesn't believe in magic. He doesn't believe he can wave a wand and make someone dissappear. But when helping Arthur [England] clean out his attic, thats exactly what he does. Now, with the help of several other nations, he must find a way to bring England back before he's lost forever._

_**This bites [soul eater] **__When a mission goes wrong, Death the Kidd is taken and turned by a clan of vampires. Whilst everyone works fruitlessly to find a cure, vampires are finding their way to invade the DWMA. Will the students be able to hold strong against the force, even when most of their own are taken?_

_**Venom [soul eater] **__Whilst out on a mission, Patty notices a brightly coloured snake and, finding it pretty, sneaks it back to the DWMA with her. But when it escapes, it is quickly realised the snake is poisonous and dangerous. With most of the students dropping like flies as the beast wreaks havoc, can our remaining heroes save the day?_

_**Worldwide Connections [Hetalia] **__No one knew about the nations being human. Up until now, they were safe. But the human race is a curious bunch. A now they have a selection of countries in the palm of their hand, they want to see just how connected they are to their nation. Warning for blood and character torture._

_**Zombietalia [Hetalia] **__The clue is in the title [big clue!]. Your basic Zombie apocalypse focussing on the cast of Hetalia and zombifying a lot of nations. Warnings for blood, gore and may possibly induce crying._

_**"Title in process" [Hetalia] **__Demons have seeped through into our realm and a portal in the middle of a meeting is not the best way to start. Especially when the spirits of said portal decide to attack England, Japan and Italy, and use them to psychologically damage the other nations._

**So, in summary:**

**-Sorry for not updating**

**-I won't be updating for a while**

**-All stories will be continued**

**-Please review and tell me your opinions on the story ideas.**

**THANK YOU**


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